Guilt is one of the primary things that can make or break an affair. It is there from the beginning (for most people), making you think about whether what you’re doing or about to do is the right thing for you. It also makes you think about your partner and how it will affect them and what consequences may follow.
Guilt can often crop up either before the affair (when you’re not sure if you should do it) and can crop up again during the affair (where you feel the need to evaluate your choices for all parties involved). Quite often, with the latter, people will continue the extramarital relationship because it’s best for everyone – you’re getting extra attention, your new lover is getting attention and your partner doesn’t know so everything is still working properly and no one’s getting hurt.
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I’m Considering an affair – What Do I Do?
The first thing you need to do is take a deep breath! You need to think rationally and a cloudy head will not help you. You will need to weigh up the pros and cons of this possible relationship taking place and why you want it. Understand that guilt will be taking you on a bumpy ride and you need to decide for yourself if taking a very risky yet possibly fulfilling relationship with another person is what you want.
What Do I Need To Consider?
Unfortunately it’s not just you and this lover you’re seeing on the side that you have to consider. What are the risks involved in getting into this relationship? What are the benefits and are they worth it? What are you missing from your partner that this new person provides? Is there counseling, talking or anything you can do with your current partner to repair the relationship?
Making Up My Mind
Once your thoughts have been properly processed, guilt will most likely take a backseat as you will know what you want. If guilt is still there, you may find you’re not concrete in your decisions and may want to take another peek at the facts. Guilt will crop up from time to time and may be a hint that you need to re-evaluate your situation.
Don’t Cheat On Impulse
Being one of the few situations in your life where impulsive actions are probably the most detrimental to the rest of the aspects in your life, it’s recommended not to cheat on impulse. This is, unfortunately, how many affairs start. You may have a large onset of guilt if you do go about it this way. Think of guilt as the brakes for impulsive desires that can have hurtful results.
What If I’m Still Feeling Guilty?
If you can’t shake the uncontrollable feelings of guilt and can’t decide if it’s better to have the affair, or monogamous with your partner, you should probably stop pursuing it. Guilt is there in your conscience to make you careful, not to eat at you and make you regret your decisions. Listen to your conscience because if you’ve tried to convince yourself it’s ok to go on this sexual (be it physical or emotional) adventure, and it hasn’t budged and you still feel the same uncomfortable way, you may need to stop!
I’m Not Happy In My Extramarital Relationship – What Do I Do?
Obviously you need to talk to them. If you’re still not happy or feeling uncomfortable about having an affair, it’s probably best to break it off. You are the only person who can tell you how to think. Affairs are there to make your life even better, even though they have their risks etc, so if you’re not feeling good about it, it may be ideal to leave it.
I Feel Like I Started This Affair And Forced The Other Person Into It
This is definitely not the case and you should remind yourself that you are all grown people who make your own individual decisions. You cannot coerce someone to go into a relationship status with you because it is their choice to do it. If they are caught out and you start to feel it is your fault – remember it takes two to tango!
Getting control of your guilt is all about analyzing what has happened and talking yourself through it.
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I have been have this affair for about 2 years and work in a camp together ,3weeks in and 2 weeks out and we sleep together every night while in camp,how do you stop we are in love and love are other spouses.how do you stop this