Does anybody else feel this way?? Today I knew there would be no contact his wife has a day off, he also. I knew this and our last conversation ended as though we will speak in a bit but I knew that it would be a couple of days, but he didn't remind me when conversation ended that it would be, he just assumes I suppose I will remember or not contact first even though a week day. So today I don't hear a thing from him even though we have spoken regularly all week.. So I know nothing is wrong but I hate the feeling of being discarded today, as though she is around now so you don't matter today doesn't matter that you may need me, tough!!! He will call tomorrow most probably and say hi how are you as though we just spoke!! He will call me regardless who I am with husband friend whatever and expects a response. I know that is how it has become but I just feel completely blanked out discarded as though I mean nothing, I know he has to be very careful but surely a quick text or voicemail at some point!! He would say I was being silly, but this is how I feel. Does he think about me am I ok? where am I? What am I doing? Can he really love me and switch off until he knows he is alone again and free to call? Am I being over sensitive, I hate this situation sometimes, best of times and worst of times!!!!
Feeling unwanted.....
(10 posts) (6 voices)-
Posted 6 months ago #
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Isabelle, Weekends are the toughest for most of us leading these crazy lives. Why does your lover feel he can call you even when you are with your husband and family. That would scare me to death. I know I use a different voice when I hear my lovers, so I am sure someone would be alerted to my phone call being odd. You might want to rethink that situation.
I don't know anything about your affair but if you want to keep your lover in your live, you can't let him know you are feeling so needy. That will suffocate him quicker than anything else you can do. I'm sure he thinks of you during these hours of no contact but men can focus on what they have to and don't obsess as much as we do. Believe me we have all had the same thoughts, can't he text me, can't he do something to get away and call me, you will be glad he has been this cautious someday. My lover got caught and it made us both realize just how reckless we had become. Be grateful he wants to keep you in his life by being overly cautious.
I try to stay busy so I don't have the obsessive, needy thoughts. Not just with busy work, but going places with friends. The last thing you should do is sit at home and continue thinking about what he is doing and where he is. The weekend will be over soon, hang in there.Posted 6 months ago # -
HI Isabelle, I have to agree with undiscovered... it seems like you are relying on a lot of contact with him and a kind of reassuring contact. I am new here, but I have found through looking around at the posts that men and women are different and these lives we lead are different too, and one of the best ways of dealing with it is keep your own interests and life busy... and slow it down a little. In the past week or so me and the OM have slowed down after constant texting and arranging to meet for over 10 months. We couldn't keep it up.. we were letting our work life go and not getting done all the things we need to do to move our lives on to the next stage. I feel much freer and whether we continue in the future I don't know, but I hardly ever worry if he can't text..all sorts of things could be happening, also he's thinking of me too and if he's disturbing me. Plus I thinks he admires me more for being an independent woman who's getting her s**t together after my separation. Us ladies can't be waiting by the telephone any more for some man to call. . : ) Love is also about letting go.
Posted 6 months ago # -
Hi, thanks for your feedback. To undiscovered, he knows he can call or text at any time but I wouldn't answer his call if I can't speak, I sometimes have phone on silent so I get back to him when possible, I can't contact him unless he lets me know it is ok. She picks his phone up answers calls, reads his texts etc. This has been 14 months nearly, and she nearly found out once when he text, i replied instantly, the text didn't arrive for some reason for half hour he thought I wasn't going to reply. 5 mins had gone by if i don't catch it quick don't reply but this took a while bad signal whatever, and he put his phone down she found it.... but number wasn't stored so he said must be wrong number??? I don't let him know i'm needy and have these feelings, but I don't get how they go so long in between contact. I know nothing major usually happens in between but what if?? It is a jealous thing that I suppose goes with this territory. Sometimes as taizy8 says you do feel free but after a few hours I want to hear his voice or I sometimes think of something I want to say and I can't contact him.... but he can me, I know it is safer and if we get caught could mean the end, just some days are easier than others, when I am busy and don't have too much time to think, then I miss him like crazy!!
Posted 6 months ago # -
isabelle im so with you omg!!!!
i need this weekend to pass so monday is here again!!!
although i know this will pass and we will be normal again pretty soon, i have more or less made a pact with myself to cool down the contact. he loves me for who i am and i want to be independent again, not this needy sad woman waiting for his mesasges...Posted 6 months ago # -
veryconfused...I'm so glad I have this forum for company through the difficult times. Before I found this I thought I was the only one in the world going through all these difficult times and questions,but it seems to be everyone is going through the same ups and downs of the EMA. It does help to share with people that are going through exactly the same and can totally understand where you are coming from!
Posted 6 months ago # -
isabelle, I was there too when my affair first started and at several times throughout the first 6 months or so. Why is it that MEN always seem to have the upper hand, when to talk, when to meet ect? You almost have to take a comical approach to it or you will go INSANE! They are MEN, they have this horrible thing called an ego, haha...
I have actually ended it a few times in the last year because of similar issues. It's funny how they humble themselves after a week of YOU deciding it's NC week. He would even tell me that he's not used to me not being available to him whenever he wants me, so I specifically did it on occasion to keep things balanced. I haven't had to do this in a VERY long time however... It's a game of course that I have learned to play. LOVE it and I'm MUCH happier now for A-D-A-P-T-I-N-G to his way of thinking.
Now, we talk several times everyday and have for probably a few months now. Men love the cat and mouse, you just need to learn how to do it so it can benefit you as well! I also get cuddled more now :)
It's like any relationship though, just WAY more fragile. You have to learn to constantly adapt, read between the lines, and ALWAYS act like you can find something better to do, always. This destroys their ego just enough to become a little more needy themselves!
Now that I am seperated, I do have a lot of spare time on my hands, and it is hard at times. But, I established a plan long before I made the split and am enjoying my life more now as a result.
And boy does my OM LOVE the fact that I am going to the gym now (sadly, so does my EX)! *Wink*
Posted 6 months ago # -
Hi Isabelle, your first post rings very true to me. It’s such a strange limbo/uncertain/empty feeling. I agree with Finding that guys always seem to have the upper hand and lately I have been questioning do I really deserve to be “on call” when he is ready to play (he has the flexibility of having a few free nights away from home a week)? I enjoy his company immensely however I am getting tired of accommodating his needs without any flexibility for mine.
I had a rare window of opportunity this week where I am alone and all I seem to be worth is a quick drink after we had entertained some clients and then a night in a hotel. Yes I enjoyed myself and yes I know he is very tired due to family circumstances. But I thought he might at least make the most of the time I had free? He knows I am going to be much less available than before due to my own marital situation demands. On the last night we were both “free” things started off fine and I was looking forward to finally having time together one on one but then a colleague was out and wanted to meet up with him and we had to abandon plans – to add insult to injury, this colleague isn’t exactly one you would want to voluntarily spend time with. The thing is I think if he really wanted to he could have got out of meeting up with this colleague. When I think of all the times I have juggled things to be there for him it makes me annoyed that he couldn’t do the same.
I just have so much fun with him but feel like I am being taken for granted. If I wanted that then I can get that from my hb thanks very much. I suppose it is the classic situation of the woman always being available – I just hate missing opportunities for fun but now not sure if it is worth this rejected feeling? Am I being unfair? I thought after almost a year we would have established some sort of pattern but he still does this push/pull thing and I am over it. Again another mistake but we do work together and often alone. Nothing has been said today but he has noticed something is wrong. What’s the point of explaining? I will probably just get labeled as high maintenance. Heaven forbid I should want to spend time together having fun and hot sex. Thanks for the rant.
Posted 6 months ago # -
Lulu... Push/pull, is so tiring sometimes we go along and it is ok (14 months total) then out of the blue he distances himself when you least expect, the one time about two weeks ago I didn't respond immediately he kept calling and when he got hold of me he said "are you at work" hadn't spoken in 3 days at this point so who knows where I could have been!! I said no at home reading paper! He said "I called you" I respnded with "oh yes you did was going to call you back been busy" I could hear the shock horror through the phone, as if to say you always call me back immediately how dare you! I still laugh about it now only a small thing but throughout that day I did not answer his calls and called back after sometime!! He has been ok since!! Silly games I would rather not play.
Posted 6 months ago # -
Ha ha the "shock horror". Yes I know what you mean, how dare we be unavailable when they want to play. The very nerve! Honestly, the next time he goes hot/cold just shut down for your own sanity.
Posted 6 months ago #
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