the perfect soulmate? possible?
can one man provide all - emotional, physical, intellectual, etc.
or actually we (married ones especially) are looking for the stability, financial, comfort in our marriage and then other stuffs like emotional, physical, we have to get it from our lovers?
and in fact can we have a lover that is only physical, another one that appeals to emotional, and etc etc
i find myself tempted by several men at the same time. some are pretty physical (which is normal i guess) but when it comes to emotional, sometimes even my lover is not fulfilling that and i'd thought maybe i cannot expect a perfect man, whether its my husband or my lover.
any thoughts?
can one man provide all that we need?
(13 posts) (6 voices)-
Posted 6 months ago #
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Well maybe we make them be what we want them to be, do we idolise the lovers, because thay are unobtainable, if we were single and could have them, would we really want them 24/7? We don't really know them as their wives do, their wives see them most probably as we see our husbands?? Be careful what you wish for because you might just get it. lol!! I was thinking yesterday everyone sees the sex in an affair as amazing? I do! Why is this? My lover feels so in tune with me sexually. Did my husband make me feel this way? I know it was good in the beginning, but this good not so sure? Is it because i'm older more body confident, and know what makes me tick? Or is it because it is naughty forbidden don't know when will happen again? I do love him but it is because we share things and good times and great sex!!!
Posted 6 months ago # -
It's not a gender issue. It's a personal issue. For SOME people (like most of the people here), one person cannot provide everything they need. So they have an affair. or one after another in search of what it is they are seeking.
other people find their happiness within themselves or in other things or are very content in their relationships.
but I certainly don't think that there is something inherent in women that cannot be met by a man. Just in you.
Posted 6 months ago # -
torch, its funny how my affair has made me look at marriages so differently. long gone are the romantic thoughts, marrying the one person that you felt is your soulmate, who understands you, who trust you and you trust him, that you want to be committed for life. things changed, people changed, promises broken, if given the chance again, i will not marry anymore!
and you are right, its just in you/me/us!
i suppose we are the ones who are not so easily satisfied!! but well, at least we are not killing ourselves over it. we are finding ways to make ourselves happy :)Posted 6 months ago # -
yes, we are finding ways to make ourselves happy...but at tremendous risk (for most of us)...and in a way that is not honorable. What we are doing is very self-indulgent, a little immature, and, for most people who get caught, not worth the cost.
Posted 6 months ago # -
totally agree with what you say. the only problem is...so hard to follow our mind as we keep following our hearts...
Posted 6 months ago # -
It's not necessarily realistic to think that you can settle down in your early 20s, say, and spend the rest of your life in blissful contentment with one person! You get less for a life sentence, as they say! Don't be too harsh on yourselves - lifelong monogamy is quite a tough call. Think about it.
Posted 6 months ago # -
then if that's the case, don't get married. And if you are, get divorced...but I thinking cheating is quite self-indulgent and immature. Yes, I'm guilty too.
Posted 6 months ago # -
The question is proposed...Were we meant to be a monogamous society. If we could take two partners, Would anyone still have affairs? Life changes totally in these lives living the wisdom of our middle ages. Some of us stop living and are please with what we have become - Others travel to a new world order to "feel" more life worth living. My husband and his whole family marry for life...raised Catholic they stay put - go through middle age - decide that sex is less important than companionship and love.
I got blindsided by new opposite possiblities that never occured to me. It happened out of the blue, when I found my creative soul... I could not understand myself nor my actions. I honestly see everyone on this forum as honest and kind people who fell into what was uncomprehendable to them. We all constantly remind ourselves of our shortcoming's slamming ourselves off the tirade of painful memories of lose of a unique lust that we prayed to become committing LOVE. Why? The statistics have us to believe that the Men who stray are only Boy's being Boy's - without love in their souls but men have to stick it for sticking it sake... but "the act" is as heartfelt to them as what us as Women have gone through or are going through when we make love. Basically, Are we meant to be in MONO Relationships? We chastise all the poor souls that seek multipule partners...we see their pain on the evening news. Tiger in front of his Mother????? You have to take into consideration factors beyond these pages and us as human's. We beat ourselves up over our failures when it could be what drives the human race. If there were no religous objections to merging with other lovers, could we love and live kinder and gentler. Harum's or Clans - Are we truely JEALOUS of the other lover's wife or husband. Wicked Women Madi Harra's are out there too...they tempt and taunt and promise and leave GOOD Men who fall for them or do they get scared of their lives changing and the sad changes their children are going through, Is it Guilt or Anxiety that drives us? My Italian said he had to stop due to what it did to him internally, Strangely, I see what he has done to his wife - she does no complaining - her lifestyle is...what she prefers... she enjoy's his fabulous persona made up to entertain the patron's of his establishment. She has money from running the place and waiting tables...who could not love that...money is fun an aphodiac of sorts. Yes, he is a ooogler of fine Women ME being one of them...He told me I was beautiful (Oh yes - appeal to my vanity )...His wife is lovely too. I have hundreds of fine mirrors for sale in my studio a NO brainer- I am shy and vain and I admit it. My HB tells me with his inner critic all the affirmations that one can stand...but, when the other told me I was beautiful - ahhhh I had to work for it. You see it is the nature of our existence to live hard and fuck hard. The Italian knows his vibe. He shines when he can tempt a temptress especially a church going introspective artist - writer and designer. He brought out the little girl shy infatuated chubby little girl who wants to via for Dad's attention. He appealed to my inner child.
He got that part dead on! His ancestor's have the dna of Cassanova and Caligula - Their culture is raised to open the doors to an orgy of life lust and passion.
I am not sure that I had emotional guilt but anxiety kicked my ASS...It made me quit out of respect for him and me. My opinion of his wife is that she is funny and smart - but honestly If he were my husband - No putting up with is late night escapades...I would be pissed at his inattendance at home plate.
Her ball game comes with a price. My ball game is that the Coach my hb is dead on top of me at all times Coaching me for a home run pushing me until I am exhasted... I may argue his call and ref his business but I can not manage to initiate sex with him at times..Hb takes the lead and I follow. He takes what he wants when he wants it. I would not mind if he would be absent a few times. I should be careful what I wish for A NON existent Man or a Man who is forver possessive and beside you all the time mate for live. The question of monogamy can be answered in no simple terms... Thoughts?Posted 5 months ago # -
Wow Debra, you always blow me away :-) I have agreed with pennywrens postings for a long time. She is definitely a proponent of multiple life partners. I got married in my mid 20's, and I can tell you, I accepted what I had for 25+ years. I have come to the slow realization that two people can very rarely be "in love" for a lifetime. Should we get divorced as torch says...sure that's a solution for some. I sometimes think that couples that swing have the right idea, I've never done it, but as time goes by it seems to make sense.
Posted 5 months ago # -
Swinging intrigues me. I do not think I could do a "group orgy" for humility sake.
If I could have the Italian two times a month...His wife can play with my husband by herself when ever she would need to have a doeting husband who's tool is actively substantial and running on target...then I would be in total happieness. It would be a wonderful day in our neighborhood - Mr. Rodger's would be proud.
I saw the Italian - he could use some little debbie snack cake. He needs a little sexual healing...I can tell.
Sadly though, I will stick to my appointed ethics and stay platonic. You can be in love with more than one person. You do not have to hate your husband or wife and spite them with another person...open marraige agreements without the loss of a 22 year marraige could take me to my happy place forever.
Two couple in force could help eachther with buisness and working and finances...the world of supportive people in your life would double. Double the pleasure - Double the fun. She would not have to worry over him "cheating" he would be having a blanket party bingo event with me...she likes me. I like her. Oh well, time will tell. deb
Posted 5 months ago # -
I agree about the group orgy, but at 51 I still have the body to pull it off. The STD thing would make that so difficult. I do like your thinking 2x a month would be good, I think you need to explore this a little more. You could be in a happy place.
Posted 5 months ago # -
I must have peaked too in middle age...I am 48 - I look at pictures of my 30's and cringe. I stuggled with worry over having kids and never could have them...the hormone treatments torchered my body and weight. I got my groove going once more when I gave up on natural born children and hubby never wanted to adopt...work out daily - get a little puffy over the long winter if I skip a few gym sessions - my favorite form of exercise requires me to locate myself outdoors. I spent the Winter shoveling frequently my large property.
All the odd ideas that fashionista's place in your head concerning growing older is full of wrong advice. I grew my hair out - hubby said let it grow let it grow.
Life will be fine at 49 in September...however...not sure the orgy connection is mine to be had. I love the fire one on one can ignite. I would have to get so slammed to go that route not for worry over my body image but for the interpersonal non existence.
Twice a month with a my fire breathing Italian roaring at the top of his lungs and then my silent scorpion would suffice. deb
Posted 5 months ago #
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