I saw your post at the end of Fallen's post and thought you deserved your own thread.
I am so sorry you have been in so much pain. Please know that I am thinking about you and hope that you will come back and let us know how you are doing. I am sorry that things worked out the way they did, some life lessons are so painful. Well, at least I try to find the lessons in my life experiences and my EMA has been one of my most painful.
Thank you cantbelieve. It has been a major life lesson indeed. Definitely the most painful one to learn. I just posted again on Fallen's thread. It's been hard. I can't seem to internalize that is over. I feel that despite his disrespectful attitude, I'm still here, respecting him, and hoping that one day he will come up with a perfect excuse that will make all sense and I will finally be able to forgive him. But that's my heart thinking. Rationally I know I will be better off without him and all his problems in my life. But love is not that simple and cartesian, right? For some reason, my heart still believes it is all worth it. IT IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How can I make this sink in??
I'm just lost between my heart and reason. going back and forth between them. It hurts.
Thanks a lot, I really appreciate your post.
I sometimes wonder about the other side of my story.. While I ask myself how can he not reach out to me, move on and never call me again, I wonder if he asks himself the same question. I never tried calling him or writing him again. I waited for him to do it. He never did, I didn't do it either. I know he is suffering. I just know. Even if not for me.. but for the situation he is in now. I wouldn't want to be in his shoes. I know I was his best friend. I know he had nobody else to talk to about so many things he needed to vent. And I know he probably feels bad for all the suffering he knows he has caused me. But he is weak, he is a coward. He did not act as my best friend. I'm moving on. It's getting better every day.. but I still cannot make sense of the vanishing.. this is hard to overcome..
I am so sorry, dancing. I guarantee you he is thinking of you and wondering how you are doing more than you think. Sometime we think that NC means that we are forgotten. But how can we think that when we do the same, but are thinking about them so much. The friendship is the one of the hardest things to let go of, for me as well. It leaves a hole that really can't be filled by any one else. As much as I try. Eventually and with time the hole will fill with other things. At least that is what I tell myself.
Thinking of you.
Thank you CB. I hope it does fill with other things soon.
Hey there dancing.star.
I came across this site and the story reminded me of your story. I thought it'd be nice to share it with not only you but any OM's or OW's. It's nice to see what she's taken from the experience. She noted how it was comforting to her that she saved from a relationship that was doomed for failure. I think too often we look at the bright side of things with our affairs and ignore the numerous problems and difficulties, not to mention the impossibility of a future without guilt or burden.
http://www.cheating-spouse-alert.com/discreet-relationships.html
Hope all is going well with everyone. Chins up! Summer is almost here and the hot bodies will be abound! (regardless of my affair being over I'm still a horn dog!) haha. I always say... "I'm married... I'm not dead!" :P
Yes, I could totally have written it. That's how I feel too. I'm glad that it ended.. but still can let go of it all.
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