The aftermath of being caught « Having A Discreet Affair

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The aftermath of being caught

(32 posts) (9 voices)

Started 6 months ago by anonymous2010
Latest reply from debra61

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anonymous2010
Member

I'll try and keep this story brief. I had an affair with a man 20 years older than me. We met under strange circumstances - he was my driving instructor. We live only 5 minutes from one another.

It started out innocently. Flirting via text then the texts became explicit and we began meeting. We never had anywhere to meet. His son lives with him. I live with my husband, but my husband works away.

The texts went on for months. Then we began meeting at a local hall where runs weekly fitness class. We were having sex there. The texts were daily. Nothing happened whilst he was teaching me but the innuendo and text were constant.

We tried to stop it and everytime we met we said ' this needs to be last time'. Well the last time was when we were caught.

To cut a long story short my husband found texts in my phone (They were not on my sim, it was texts that had been saved to an old handset).

He followed me to the hall one evening. Then called the other man's phone whilst we wre having sex.

This man has a partner (they don't live together he is divorced now from a 20 something year marriage and has a partne whom he sees at weekend). Not to mention his business reputation.

Since being caught a couple of months ago, I've found it hard to let go. My husband began threatening him via email and text. It all became to much for the other man and he confided in a relative. The threats came to a head last week. His relative contacted my husband and stopped the threats. His relative has been in touch with me telling me not to contact him, saying she cannot watch her brother falling apart anymore.

She knows nothing of how sexual the relationship was. She said things to my husband like ' he has no feelings for her', ' He only met her to tell her to leave him alone ' you never caught them having sex, you saw her leaving the hall'. She has told me to let him get on with life and leave him alone. She told me in a text her husband had an affair and she divorced the bastard. So obviously there are old memories there for her too.

Everything we did was by mutual consent. I now feel that is has all been turned on m, I'm being blamed by his sister and held reposonsible for his actions! His sister has no right to read me the riot act. Yes, she's protecting her brother! No one seems to have any consideration for my feelings in all of this.

His partner hasn't found out as far as I'm aware. Yes, initially when we were caught I did blame him and I did say some awful things to him that I now regret.

Living in the same area makes it very tricky as well, means I see him around. I feel scared to leave the house sometimes, incase I see him.

I'm find it hard to let go at all. I believe there was no closure. We were caught and I've never had the chance to tell him how I feel, or even that I miss him. Obviously his main worry is that this never comes out in the community we live in. Otherwise, he is finished. He has three grown up children, a daughter close to my age. I am 33.

We have text a lot since we were caught, he has never said anything nasty to me. I don't feel I should take the blame for all of this especially my husbands threats.

I did advise him at the time of being caught that he should maybe come clean with everyone but he did not.

I'm not able to find closure. She has told me NOT to text him. Yet he sent the other day saying 'I consider you a friend'. So why tell his sister and let her act as his mouthpiece.

Am I missing something here? I feel like I'll never get over him. Of course the sex was amazing. My husband wants to fix things and I don't but my situation is such that I have a little boy and we're together for his sake.

The emotional affair went on for eight months and the sexual aspect went on for another 5 on top of that. I feel a complete void in my life. I miss him. Perhaps I wish he'd of fought for me............

Posted 6 months ago #
torchforRA
Member

many people here can relate to your story. Frequently, when an affair is discovered, the elicit lover is dropped - for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they don't tell you why. And yes, it hurts. badly. You feel abandoned. You feel betrayed. Their promises become quite empty. You wonder why they seemed so indifferent to YOUR pain and why they didn't fight harder to keep you?

There are no magic words to get over the pain. it's just time. And resist the temptation to interact with your other man.

the forum can be helpful. Many of us have been through it or are going through it.

Just remembers - words are cheap. What your lover DOES is more indicative of who they are as compared to what they've TOLD you.

Posted 6 months ago #
dancing.star
Member

Just a few comments from someone that has also been involved with a man 20 years older, been caught, but has tried to continue on as a "friend", which did not work and got back into the relationship, and finally has ended up alone with not even a single "good-bye"(You can find my full story in many posts in this forum):

1)Put these two sentences together: "My husband began threatening him via email and text." and "I'm being blamed by his sister and held reposonsible for his actions!" - Have you thought about the fact that the only one who owes anything to your husband is YOU and yet he was threatening HIM? I'm not sure why you think his sister is blaming you FOR HIS ACTIONS, she might just be blaming "the other", just like your husband, which is usually a much easier thing to do. When we were caught, I was the one to be blamed by his wife too apparently, while he was most likely getting shit at home, but nonetheless still desirable as a husband. Go figure!

2) "No one seems to have any consideration for my feelings in all of this." - Maybe it's time you start having consideration for other's feelings as well. I was threatened by the betrayed wife for 2 days and I had nothing to do with her! It was a horrible feeling, but I took full responsibility of my actions and endured it... No one will EVER have enough considerations for your feelings as much as you'd have. We're all a bit selfish, you know? Don't victimize yourself.. it does not help!

3) Again, put these two sentences together: "I don't feel I should take the blame for all of this especially my husbands threats." and "So why tell his sister and LET HER ACT as his mouthpiece?" - Why should him take the blame for his sister's actions? Did you do anything to stop your husband from threatening him? Is he trying to stop his sister? Are you two taking the FULL responsibility for your MUTUAL CONSENTED actions? - In my case too, apparently, I was a psycopath chasing him and he had NO way out. Come on! We're adults here!

4) "Perhaps I wish he'd of fought for me.." - Did you fight for him? Have you tried to think of what he thought of the situation, and what could be better for you, in relation to your statement:"my situation is such that I have a little boy and we're together for his sake." Moreover, did you leave any room for him to fight for you? In my case, his wife threats and his lack of actions left me with no room whatsoever to do anything about it.. - Just a possibility..

Sorry if this post seems harsh, I'm just trying to give you some food for thought here. I don't diminish your pain by any means.. as Torch said, there are no magic words I could say to you. NC is probably the best option right now. It is hard - really hard. But things will eventually fall into place again. I hope you feel better soon! :)

Posted 6 months ago #
torchforRA
Member

boy, DS, I agree. She's not considering HIS feelings...and has let her HB threaten the guy, as if SHE had nothing to do with this!!

Her HB is a moron. It's easier to focus on the "other man" (and be really macho) even though the ONLY person he should blame is his wife!! Anonymous....you're 100% responsible for your own actions unless he raped you!! If your HB is focusing on the OM, it's because he doesn't want to face the fact that he has a problem already in his marriage.

Posted 6 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

Hi
Thanks for the comments. I tried and tried to stop my husband threatening the other man.

Yes I'm reposonsible for my own actions but I was caught. Now, I defended the man I had the affair with, I tried to reason with my husband and absolutely took reponsiblity for blame in my part of the affair.

I do not want to go into my marriage issues to deeply. My husband, has paid me little attention and for the last 3 years I've tried to work at my marriage. I've been ignored by my husband for so long that I'd given up. Yes, this is the reason I had the affair. Like most people do it 'filled the void'. I did not intend on feeling the way I do about the other man.

I have taken reponsibility. My husband bullied and scared the other man rather than sitting down and talking to me about OUR relationship issues. He preferred to attack the other man.

I've considered the feeling of the man I had the affair with throughout all of this. I have been told by his sister NOT to contact him. So what am I to do.

Just last night the other man returned an item hand delivered through my lstter boz in an envelope. Why he did this I don't know my husband could have seen him dropping it off.

The other man (since the sister intervened) has said we need closure but he considers me a friend.

So how is it possible to be friends with someone after something like this? Is the damage not irreparable?

Thanks

Posted 6 months ago #
torchforRA
Member

believe me, your guy is in pain too. And I for one was a person confronted by an angry spouse, which I believe is understandable, but misdirected anger. It was disconcerting to say the least. Remember that your OM has lost too - he's lost his lover, his best friend etc. And now your husband is after him, which probably is making him angry on top of things.

Personally a friendship is not possible -- unless you are divorced. Even then, I know personally that I carry some resentment towards her. I really can't see being her friend again. Maybe if 10 years went by and we could reconnect and I got a better explanation as to why she abandoned me without even a "goodbye"...maybe I could forgive...maybe. But I doubt I could fully trust her again, so why bother being friends?

I don't know your situation, but if you cared for him. REALLY cared. You would leave him alone to grieve, heal and to no longer be threatened. He needs to let go. Allow him to do so. You got caught and that's that. sorry.

Posted 6 months ago #
dancing.star
Member

Well, to be honest, from what you said here, there was nothing extremely wrong between you and the OM. So, I would imagine that a friendship between you two could be possible. You were caught and both tried to deal with the external problem as best as possible. However, your husband will not like the idea that you are still friends, and this friendship can make the affair continue on - like mine did. In this sense, if you don't want more problems, I think the friendship at least for now is not possible nor desirable.
At least none of you were oblivious to the other.. like in my case and Torch's. Take advantage of this fact and move on with a good note. That's all I can say.. If you are hurting now, imagine if HE had shut down communication completely? Much worse indeed.

Posted 6 months ago #
Brandy
Member

anonymous2010...Both torch and dancing.star made excellent points. I just want to note that many of us got into an EMA because something was missing in our life or marriage. The same applies to you. The EMA filled the void temporarily. When it's suddenly taken away from you, you inevitably feel this huge emptiness, much worse than the void you had before. But this is temporary, it's made worse by the sharp contrast. When you give it some time and let yourself heal and get a little distant from the whole thing, you will realize it's rooted in what's originally missing in your life. So to fill the void, you need to honestly examine your own life and find a way to change it for the better instead of finding a crutch from someone else.

On a positive note, dancing's right about the future possibility of you maintaining a friendship. I think given your proximity and the small town, it's the best for everyone to find a soft landing spot. But for now stay away and be respectful of each other's space is the only good tactic. Just think this is the only way to pave the road for a better relationship in the future, you may be able to tolerate the hurt a bit better.

Posted 6 months ago #
dancing.star
Member

I think if I had forced NC after we were caught for the first time, at least for a little while, we wouldn't have gotten back together, and we wouldn't have ended like this. We would have ended on a good note and a friendship would remain possible. But we didn't. We allowed each other to hurt each other. It sucks. I think of him now, and I cannot picture having him as a friend ever again because of the amount of suffering I had to go through because of this story. It really sucks.

Posted 6 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

Hi all
I'm trying to stick to NC. Its so difficult. I'm missing him a lot. I tempted to text him. Feel that because his sister became involved there will be no chance of us every either being friends or going back to where we were.
The hardest part is it's almost as if everything we shared meant nothing. He is stil with his partner as far as I know and that must mean that he loves her.
I just feel rejection and that because of all the nastiness surrounding my husbands threats! that the OM may resent me and regret everything that we did.
Not knowing how he feels in all of this is hard too.

Posted 6 months ago #
dancing.star
Member

Anonymous2010:
I hear you. Not knowing what he feels is the hardest thing. And I understand that you are suffering, but just try to put things in perspective..

The involvement of his sister or your husband cannot ultimately determine if a friendship is possible or not. In the end, and by thet I mean in the future, it's up to you and him.

I also feel that what I shared with my lover meant nothing to him, since he vanished. But that doesn't mean it's true. People act, feel, and think differently. The fact that he's still with his partner does not lead to the conclusion that he loves her, or that he is in love with her, or that he is not suffering and missing you - aren't you still with your husband?

You might be feeling rejected, but he might be feling it too! Resent and regret are two big words.. From all you've told us, I do not get the idea that he would be feeling none of this. Didn't he say you were still a friend?

My advice is: As much as possible, stop trying to guess what he is feeling or thinking. It is impossible to know. So, focus on what YOU are feeling, and try to move on towards the decision YOU made. And respect him and his decisions. That's the best you can do. :)

Posted 5 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

Thanks dancing star. Everything you are saying is exactly how I'm feeling
Yes, I don't know how he is feeling. I sent him a text last night but he didn't reply/
Yes, I need to try and stop guessing what he is thinking or feeling because I simply don't know.

I don't know if we will ever be friends but you make a good point - its not upto his sister or my husband if we do become friends. It is something for the future yes, things are still too raw at the moment.

Thanks for the good advice, I'm trying very hard to put things into perspective.

Posted 5 months ago #
torchforRA
Member

yes, you need to stop texting him. NC is NC. If he doesn't reply, it means he doesn't want you for the most part.

I think your husband threatening him not only scared him from even replying to you (how does he know your phone or email are safe? Trust me -- they can be easily compromised), but he is probably really mad at you that you allowed it to happen.

Forget about friendship. Just forget. If it happens some day, it happens. but honestly, if you care about him, you need to let him alone and focus on your marriage problems.

Posted 5 months ago #
dancing.star
Member

I don't think he is mad at her for allowing it to happen, but I do agree he might be scared to reply.

Stay strong, anonymous2010! It will eventually pass!

Posted 5 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

Firstly thanks for the advice. I've also read about the experiences from others on this board. So comforting that people understand as we are all going through similar things

Well I've managed to stick to NC! However, end of last week I received a text from his sister. She said she wanted to come to my front door to confront me. I asked her how she knew where I lived she said that living in a small place she had lived there all of her life and its wasn't rocket science as she lives 2 streets from me she had asked around. She confirmed that he had refused to tell her where i LIVED.
Anyhow, I replied and asked her not to come to my house as this was not a helpful Solution and confronting me was not something she should be doing. I was shaking. Scared infact! I felt intimidated by her to be honest.
She replied telling me how crap her brothers life was. She said ' his life is falling apart and he is paying for it now believe me!. She kept texting me and she asked me what she wanted him to do? Now I would have loved to have been able to give her the real answer which would have been 'I love him and I want to be with him'. I didn't of course.

I said that what had gone on between me and her brother was infact none of her business. I appreciated that he needed support but that it was not her place to come to my door to confront me because her bother had made his own choices i.e. in having the affair.

She backed down after that and said the stupid man did have an affair with you. His life is falling apart now and you have been the main cause of this. I ignored her.

Anyway, later on that evening she text me to say, she was in the company of her brother and she was glad I hadn't text him.

ANyway, he text me yesterday to say 'I'm trying to put my life back together. I never have done, or had the desire to do such a foolish thing. I have told my sister STRONGLY under no circumstances that she is to go to you. I've never told her where you live. I can reassure you that no one will be at your door. I do hope you're ok.I wish the best for you and always have'

I haven't replied. The 'foolish' thing he did i.e. having the affair with me! It went on for months.I'm not listening to him going on about his foolish thing or his mistakes, its a bit late for sorry. I guess he is using the word foolish because of the devastation it has caused to his sister, my husband and him and myself. I'm trying not to take is personally and trying not think that I am the biggest regret of his life. But I can't help but feel that way.

I remember all the things he said to me when we were having the affair. they all mean nothing now. How he said, I was the best lover, best sex he'd had. Yes I know they all say that. Its all lies. Now I wonder has his partner found out? Are they still together? Why did he risk texting me? I know he wasn't happy with his partner so why is he still with her?

Just to add our relationship was very sexual nothing we didn't do if you catch my drift - it all felt very right. We were compatible. He had sex with his partner once a month, I remember he told me this. Described her as a very tired person! He often said that he felt such an intense bond between us that he knew if we kept the affair going and going he would want me all the time and he remarked that this scared him. He also said this wouldn't be possible because of our age difference, his grown up kids and his parents they wouldn't accept it. OUr community wouldn't accept it either given how we met.

Is he just going back to his old life, forgetting me. Or did he real have genuine feeling for me. The not knowing is killing me. I had been moving on and maintained no contact since I sent my first post on this site to me that is progress.

I've fallen back into it all again because of the sisters contact and his contact just yesterday.

I saw him yesterday just in the passing. My heart sank. This was before he sent the text. We were both driving, just as well.

What should I do next?

Posted 5 months ago #
purplelily
Member

hi anonymous - it sounds like maybe the sister (or the partner) was with him when he sent the text message - maybe he did it to "prove" something to them, thus the use of the word foolish. i am sorry that his sister and this text sucked you back in, it sounds like they are quite the dramatic lot. you should just hold your head up high, chalk this up to one of those life experiences that we learn from, but want to forget (like the affair I was caught in a long time ago myself). sounds like he isn't coming back but i think it's for the best. i hope you can move on and that things get better at home and you don't have to worry about your small town and neighbors for very long. believe me, it wont' be long before the next "hot story" breaks and yours is a thing of the past.

Posted 5 months ago #
the skeptic
Member

All I read here is ME ME ME ME poor me I am rejected, i am not wanted anymore.
Has it crossed your mind the pain you have inflicted on your husband?, how he must feel? and all that he is going through? the pain you feel is the just reward we all cheaters get for our betrayals.
Perhaps you should think that, if you feel pain being rejected by the guy you cheated with imagine the kind of pain the CHEATED on must feel !!!
Perhaps you owe your husband a bit of consideration and just move on. Next time around be more careful and dont get caught !

Posted 5 months ago #
dancing.star
Member

Anonymous, I'm sorry you got sucked back in.. but ultimately, nothing changes. Continue doing what you were doing. Next time, hopefully there won't be one, ignore his sister. She will eventually stop. work on your marriage, that's all you can do right now. If it doesn't work later on, it will be a different issue. So get back up, shake it off, and keep on going. You can do it!

Skeptic: where have you been???? lol It's good to have you back! :)

Posted 5 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

My husband and I have are going through a seperation process. There were other issues within out marriage not just the affair.

I do feel rejected by the other man but I also feel he has no choice in the matter. The sisters input has been unhelpful and she has dramatised events somewhat.

I love him and I know his feeling were deep for me too. Its so hard to move on. I'm not eating, sleeping or functioning I thought I would hve felt better by now.

Posted 5 months ago #
dancing.star
Member

I'm sorry you're going through all of this, A. Try to work on the marriage or the separation in that case, for now. It is already quite a big thing to deal with on its own, and the thought of your lover won't help. It is hard to move on.. it won't be easy or quick. But it will pass. Take a day at the time. It's been almost 40 days for me, and I'm still not eating or sleeping properly.. but everyday has been better than the the previous. Believe me - we are going to overcome this! ok?

My heart goes to you!

Posted 5 months ago #
bigheart_girl
Member

Is it really so bad to be alone? It seems easier to me.

I wrote a long topic on here but realized that I should start another topic...

Posted 5 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

Thanks dancing star. I hope you're doing ok too. Its hard but your right it will get easier everyday.

Posted 5 months ago #
debra61
Member

All of our "stories" have drama and depth in them. Anonymous2010's story seems to have grains of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof blaxed into it. A question got blazed into my psyche over reading through the drama lot... HIS SISTER????? She needs to get a life. What the hell does it matter to her what her BROTHER the Adult does with other Women or if that Mature Adult Women loves him or does not love him. If he did not profess himself in regards to you to her and tell her to mind her own beezwax then forgetabouthim.
You know learning the player's game this past few years after being out of the loop for over 22 years has opened my eyes to possiblilities that I never dreamed of.
First and formost. YOU are important. Your Marital Partner should not be burned by the heat of the dynamic duo that spoke of you together discussing your worth then created struggles in your marital world regardless if you were getting along with hubby or not...It is YOUR WORLD not theirs...How dare them take from you...Blame you...how foolish this thought pattern is...Are you to Blame? It takes 2 to Tango darling.
I have found the involvement of a sister to be dumbfounded...Ignore these two unless you want to be involved with them both for the second half of your life.
I would think a MAN would be a MAN not use his sissy to cry about his broken heart...most men hide when they get hurt then come out blasting on their own. HMMMMMM sounds a bit cagy to me...but, I am the hippie chic that is open minded about all the going's on of attraction - perhaps the sister is into you too? One will never know what makes other's tick.

Posted 5 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

Thanks for your comment Debra. I do ask myself why he went to his sister. Who does she think she is? He is an adult. I've had no further hassle from her. I haven't contacted him - she HAS made sure of this. I might add that she told me on one her texts that her husdband had an affair and she 'divorced the selfish bastard'. It appears she took her anger out me but its none of her bloody business!
Thanks for your comment.

Posted 5 months ago #
debra61
Member

His sister is a spinster old maid!!!! Busy body. If she valued her self esteem then she would not give a good crap about what her sibling has going on...but would be happily dating a new hot man herself. Why is it that people in love send off a signal and other lonely soul's tend to get the jealousy vibe. She wants him to take care of her.
Weird. I am telling you it read's like a Tennessee William's drama.
There were lot's of great old movies with the theme's in them were the sibling or a family member held back Lover's from committing.
Cheating is a illusion created by society. I do believe in my heart that we can love more than one man and societies rules forbid us from what comes natural.
I am not sure if in my case it was a posed relationship to get some sexual contact or the man that I got "into" was truthful and got exhorbant guilty thoughts and did not want to consumate our attraction. I sit on the fence in this issue, however I am forming the opinion that the later was the case...that player man.
Your situation - sounds as if time will tell the tale. IF that lover man professes and comes back to love you and wants you then the hell with his jaded sister.

Posted 5 months ago #
anonymous2010
Member

I trust my instincts greatly and I do believe that this is not the end for this man and I. I'm not saying the affair will start up again but I believe in time I will fine out His sister is mad. He is 52 and well capable of dealing with his own life. She only lives a couple of streets away from me and I wish I could find out who the hell she is. I would confront her!

I had to listen to her going on about how his life was falling apart, he is now paying the price and how he hasn't had a great time in life etc.

Nonsense. It takes two to tango he knew what he was doing with me (married woman) he went crying to his sister because my husband was threatening him - its total drama and I think they are both dramatic!

I hope I find out the truth one day - because I know he didn't give her the whole truth! That is for sure.

Posted 5 months ago #
debra61
Member

My old intended attraction turned almost comical to me during the reflection of the strange merger. I am writing this in technical terms for it does not pay to use words that express emotion at this point since it is over. If a Man is going to act out by playing with you via holding himself in high esteem while creating a you that is morphed then he preferably has turned rancid. I compared my husband's actions over the course of our 22 years together...NEVER did my husband ever deceive me with his feelings. When we were younger though, I do not remember ever concerning myself with his professing his Love for me then sticking to his word...He just did this naturally - and so did I. I did not want to get married at age 26...I wanted to live single longer - explore the world at length. I grew into my husband. When I found worldly Men who had larger intellectual agendas I was drawn to their words...I never took the plunge into any of these Men EVER. When we moved to the new house where I live today - I was thrilled to live in my Victorian Masterpeice...the neighbor's were OK - My yard is huge I am not butt up against any of the other neighbors. I met briefly the other man and my first impression of him was that he talked fast spuuing ideas as he built a great restraunt in our town that broke the mold with high end majic. I loved the whole idea of fine surroundings - art - food - culture coming into town. He was short and arrogant paired with a nice soft voice...not my type at all. He stared at me all the time every time giving me the attention that he thought I did not get at home since my husband is a quiet reserved man with deeper words that surface to bring clarity to any situation. He turned my head for years - but, I never delved into him - until one stupid overtaking wave of emotion that built up like a hot air balloon.
I can tell you that men who are dramatic seem to love the adrenaline of the hunt - capture then release to the wild...soon these prowler's will zone you into them once again. They are searching for sexual adventure mostly - we are looking for missing romantic rondevous...the problem's occur when the hookup's are becoming intimate.
It takes a strong person to put the intimacy aside or ride the wave of emotion through the affair by not addressing it. Everyone has thoughts - dreams - desires even the Prowlers. Prowler's tend to blame others for their actions to avoid intimate involvement - Sad curcumstances when they never ever obtain the love of their lives for fear of intimacy.

Posted 5 months ago #
Brandy
Member

debra61...Your analysis in profound. Indeed although we felt the hurt of being rejected and shut out, these 'prowlers' are the ones who don't get the love of their lives out of fear. They had fearless moments when they were onto us, then they were scared and doubtful of what they were getting themselves into. The tug-of-war of soring hopes and mounting pressure dictates how they behave. Ubderstanding this helps to release oursleves from the strings attached. After all the fear and prudence lead to safer routes than jumping off the cliff in glory.

Posted 5 months ago #
debra61
Member

Brandy...My articulate soul sister...If I intend on jumping off the cliff of life in glory - or if you would like a cliff diving partner...those boyfriend's safty net is more than likely to be our hands tightly clinging to the hope that we both would land safely on a soft mound of hay to make hay for the excitement that makes life incredibly intense. The outcome of our dailiance's is that we all located a part of our lives that we thought were long gone tucked away in the attic of our soul.
Yes, honey girl's no reason to lament the obvious. The long Winter of discontent is over...Life spring's eternal. I am proud to look at my intellectual version of what love is as a cup as half full then empty.
I needed the wake up call! It was a blessing to be tossed around in pleasure and pain.
Everyone needs the drama so that they can fully appreciate the peace. My only hope for saving these extra relationship is wishing that the other lover can enjoy the peace that he created in my soul...however - I doubt it because he does not have me to hold his hand through the missing hay when he hits bottom or perhaps he never will find a soft place to lay in the shade of a sultry night in the Summer with a women who actually can speed read his sin ladden soul. It is sinful to avoid intimacy only to be a participant in adulterous sex if not for the truth of the heart sex is a physical vacancy- Love does not exist. therefore orgasm is a zero as a new dildo or fake vagina...Men are rough with us emotionally due to their anxiety over not being enough...We want and deserve so much more - SAD!!!!!

Posted 5 months ago #
debra61
Member

Oooppss...Post Script...not all men have vacancy signs attached to their penis's...I am almost certain that the masculine sex that is male have genuine emotion that overtakes them and craddle the hand of their lover and greatfully find fullfillment taking the plunge off the cliff of life with their Lover...these are the " A Few Good Men" that make a women's soul soar in expression. Prowler's could find the map that takes them to a meadow of memories a place were their Lover exists but they are cowardly and will be forever searching for perfection that is a stone's throw in the perfumed flower filled trees still budding soon to close.

Posted 5 months ago #

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