The house that I was going to rent became available yesterday. I went to it and sat on the floor with noone else around and first called my oldest child and discussed me moving out. I was begged to stay with my ltp for another year and some as that is when he is getting married. He said that my ltp has been a part of their lives for so long it would make things awkward if i left him now.
So then I called my youngest son who is autistic but high functioning. He told me he considers my ltp his dad and he will be very angry with me if I move out.
I looked around the empty rent house and thought of what the house represented. My freedom to be happy, sane, and the ability to try to find a balanced relationship with someone. And I started to cry and cry. Because even though my children are over 21, as their mom I will still sacrifice for them. It felt like something inside of me died and I cried for over an hour as I realized that I will not be leaving my ltp. Not yet anyway.
I called my lover and told him about the conversations with my kids. All he told me was that he would support me in whatever decision I make.
I have one week to tell the owner of the rental house yes or no.
Dear God, please help me and show me the way.