1) Age, sex, marital status

45; female; married

2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?

6 months ago. We met at a professional event.

3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?

Boredom– a mid-life crisis, perhaps. Staleness in the bedroom with my husband. Busy lives that created an emotional and physical disconnect.

4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?

Definitely both. Started out, on my end, as purely sexual. But it quickly became emotional as well because my other man and I have so much in common.

5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?

Not sure yet. The affair is only 6 months old and for most of it, my other man and I have been thousands of miles apart. Until very recently, we had only had two face-to-face encounters. Lots of texting, emailing and phone calls have sustained us through the distance.

6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?

Not enough, unfortunately. Living in different states, we will be able to see each other every 6-8 weeks, thanks to mutually demanding careers that allow us to meet in various cities for several days at a time. Given this, we typically meet in hotels, and are free to go out to dinner, museums, etc. together without worrying too much about running into anyone we know.

7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?

No, although my husband has been noticeably more possessive lately and I am worried that he senses something. I am trying very hard to maintain normalcy to prevent any detection, which is not in anyone’s interest.

8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?

I have a special email account that only my other man knows about, and vice versa. I delete them shortly after reading. My husband knows the other mans name because we collaborate on professional issues and I don’t want to “hide” his identity– doing so would only create suspicion. I work mostly with men, so to my husband, he is just another male colleague.

9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?

In the very beginning, the guilt was quite strong. I essentially broke up with him because of it. But after a few weeks of reflection, I realized that he made me happy and whole again. I missed his friendship, so we got back together. Since then, I have worked very hard to keep guilt at bay and, for the most part, have been successful.

When I start feeling guilty, I just remind myself that, so long as no one knows, it isn’t hurting anyone. So it’s really important not to get caught. I also tell myself that my other manprovide my life with balance, allowing me to feel whole again, and maybe in a perverse way making my marriage more stable.

10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?

Best parts:  great sex (though in a long-distance affair, it’s not nearly often enough); friendship; someone to tell everything to; someone who doesn’t judge you; someone for whom you don’t have to be “perfect” or infallible– you just have to be your flawed, selfish self–and they totally understand. Stolen moments of sheer joy and companionship. Intellectual exchange.

Worst parts: guilt; the realization that there is no “real” future together because of circumstances; the inability to be together whenever wanted; wishing you could crawl into bed with them at night but you cannot.
11) Where do you hope your relationship is headed/what are your  expectations. If you weren’t married, could you see yourself being with your affair partner?

This has been one of the things I’ve struggled with. The funny thing is that while I truly think I love my other man, I see all his flaws and wouldn’t want to have to be his wife. That’s kind of sad in a way, since women are programmed to believe that if they really love someone, they will want to marry them. But when you are already married to a great person and stray anyway, this traditional understanding flies out the window and creates a weird combination of sadness and regret.

Are you interested in being interviewed anonymously? Check here for details. Interested in having an affair? Check out this review of Ashley Madison.

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the eleventh of these installments.

1) Age, sex, marital status

29, female, married

2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?

4 months ago, we met online

3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?

I first began straying from my marriage after falling out of love with
my husband due to his failure to be a partner in the marriage. I was
making all the money, doing all the housework, and doing the majority
of the child care. All the while he would constantly complain that I
didn’t cook him dinner often enough, or keep the house clean enough,
or give him enough sex. I married him because we were great friends,
but the sex was never good. As he began to disappoint me in all other
areas of marriage, it became unbearable. I reached the breaking point
when I met someone who had the gall to pursue me even though he knew I
was married. I realized, why should I be missing out on sex? I’m
already missing out on a real partnership anyway. That person did not
end up being a good long term affair partner candidate, but it made me realize I
needed to find someone that is.

4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?

We did start out as purely for the sex, but have been growing closer.
It’s impossible to know what kind of emotions will come into play as
we continue to get to know each other better as people outside of our
intense physical attraction. I didn’t think I wanted to get this
involved with anyone, but now that I am, I don’t regret it, and I want
to see where it leads.

5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?

I firmly believe it has improved my marriage. I care a whole lot less
about my husbands constant nagging, so there is way less arguing going
on. I have a much higher sex drive than ever, due to the fact that I
now know what sexual satisfaction actually feels like, and he does
reap the benefits of my extra sexual energy. He doesn’t need to know I
am closing my eyes and imagining he is my other man!

6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?

We have some trouble meeting up sometimes. We both have very busy
schedules, and we live about an hour and a half apart. We try to get
at least one long afternoon together in a hotel per month, and 1 or 2
short meetings in between, wherever we can.

7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?

Never been caught, or had a close call. We are both excellent
planners. There have been a couple times we thought something might
get in the way of a planned day together, but so far nothing has.

8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?

We only talk by text, or phone calls at specific times. We try not to
meet up on the same week day too much to avoid patterns.

9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?

No guilt at all. I had thought of cheating many times, but didn’t do
it until I knew I had lost any shred of respect for my husband as a
man. I would feel guilt if I didn’t honestly feel he had driven me to
this.

10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?

The best part is having someone in my life that I can totally let go
with. Since we don’t ever have to see each others annoying habits, or
deal with the boring day to day aspects of living together, we can
give each other nothing but the best of ourselves. Plus, I can let him
indulge all my dirtiest fantasies without worrying about him having to
sit across from my father at thanksgiving dinner!

The worst part about it is having to make sure my tracks are always
covered, and being careful not to bring something up in conversation
that I found out about from the other man. Sometimes I catch myself about to
say something about a topic we have been discussing, and have to think
“oh yeah, H doesn’t know anything about that”. But all in all, I find
it very easy to remain undetected.

Learn how Ashley Madison works here.

—————————-

Are you interested in being interviewed anonymously? Check here for details.

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the tenth of these installments.

I’m not easily shocked by things I read on the affair discussion forums, because lets face it, when it comes to people having relationships and sex behind their spouses back, I see some pretty questionable behavior on a regular basis. From people  fucking their affair partners in their freshly made marital bed, to a woman whose affair partner wants her to dress up in his wife’s clothes while they do the horizontal waltz, I have pretty much seen it all.

But then along came Karen. (not her real name)

Karen introduced herself to the forum in an unabashed manner full of confidence and spunk. As I read her introductory post, I was taken back and actually had to go back and read it twice to make sure what I was reading was actually what I was reading.

You see, some people have affairs because they don’t feel wanted or desired in their primary relationship and seek to get the intimacy that is missing at home from someone else. Some people have affairs because they are simply horny as all get out and can’t help themselves from getting in between the sheets with someone other than their spouse. Some do it for the thrill and excitement of doing something naughty.

Karen though…. She was different.

Oh, sure, she wanted  sex. She  loves the thrill of having a clandestine affair and Karen made it perfectly clear that she was a huge fan of recreational sex She loves to bed men. In her words, “There are way too many yummy men out there to not have a taste of them all.”

But Karen also had affairs because she wanted her children to have good genetics which she believed that her husband could not provide.

Karen’s two young children were fathered by two different men neither of whom is her husband, and hubby is none the wiser.

By all accounts, Karen’s husband is very successful financially and Karen is adamant that she loves him. “I love my husband.” She says. ” He has given me a comfortable and stable life. Because of his great job and his ability to provide me and my children with resources, I will never divorce him.”  Karen is unapologetic about her lifestyle choice and in fact defends it with zeal saying that really this is just nature at its core. Karen is of the opinion that she is in touch with her evolutionary truth and that unlike other women, she has acknowledged her subconscious desires to acquire the most resources and best genes as possible, and is  using it to her advantage as she explains below:

Nature wants us to mate with strong, virile men who can beat the shit out of the other men, have strong immune systems and produce the highest quality DNA sperm. But these types of testosterone driven men rarely, if ever, make good long-term partners.

My husband is a sensitive caring man with soft features. The men who fathered my children are much better looking, more masculine, and healthier than my hubby. If you were to ever meet my husband, you would agree that he is not the ideal man to mate with, but he would be a good dad.

While I found this to be provocative, I also found it to be terribly interesting as I have often wondered what role evolutionary psychology and genetics played in relationships that were highlighted by infidelity. You know the thinking…. Is there something in our DNA that makes us want to fuck that hot secretary or to bed down the new guy at the gym even though we have a spouse waiting at home? Are we hard wired to cheat on our spouses? Is monogamy even natural? Hell, even foot fetishes can be traced to evolution, as men are evolutionarily wired to look for small feet, which are a sign of high estrogen production, which itself is a sign of fertility, which explains why I have an uncontrollable urge to  fuck every single women that is sporting anything under a size 10 pair of Uggs. But I digress.

When I asked Karen her thoughts on whether she thought we as a species were evolutionary predisposed to cheat she was quick to say that:

I certainly think it is unnatural to be monogamous. There is a lot of evidence that cheating is an important part of human evolution. Men try to spread their seed beyond their relationships. Women such as myself try to get the best genes for their children. I think society is in a losing battle with trying to change the way we are wired. Everyone should accept that monogamy is unnatural.  As women, our goal in life is to secure the most resources and best possible genes for our children. Sometimes you can’t get both from one man.

Karen is obviously a woman that knows exactly want she wants and is not in the least bit afraid to go out and get it. I asked Karen if she wouldn’t mind if I picked her brain and she graciously accepted my request for an interview, the result of which is below:

Your 2 children were fathered by 2 different lovers. Are you worried that you husband might become suspicious that he isn’t in fact the father? Looks, mannerisms, personality traits that aren’t shared by the children, especially as they grow older?

Obviously this is one of my biggest concerns. During my research into mixed mating strategies many years ago, I was looking for how often the true paternity was exposed. Obviously in the old, old, old days it was virtually never discovered unless there were racial differences. Nowadays, if my children were to have a serious health problem that required blooding testing or something like that it could come up. But those odds are low because the fathers of my children are healthy, strong, and virile men. It is my belief that no matter what, people are going to tell us that my children have their father’s eyes or chin or something. People see what they want to see and naturally ignore any evidence that goes against their pre-conceived notions. I think my husband will do the same thing.

You said the following:

“Nature wants us to mate with strong, virile men who can beat the shit out of the other men, have strong immune systems and produce the highest quality DNA sperm. But these types of testosterone driven men rarely, if ever, make good long-term partners”.

So are you ok with the fact that your children might not be well suited to being good long-term partners?

That is an impossible question to answer. My children are much more likely to inherit their fathers looks rather than their personalities. Who’s to say they won’t be good long-term partners? The important thing is there is a good chance they will be attractive. That gives them the opportunity to produce lots of grandchildren for me. That is the ultimate goal, leaving behind as many descendants as possible.

You are unapologetic about the fact you had sex outside of your marriage in order to ensure that you children had the best genes possible. How would you feel if one of your own children gave you a grandchild, conceived under the same type of situation that you chose?

Well, if that were to happen I would obviously not know about it. If my son were to impregnate someone’s wife without the husband ever finding out, then that would give me a bonus grandbaby! Obviously if my daughter were to do the same thing I am doing then I wouldn’t be in a position to criticize her. As women, our goal in life is to secure the most resources and best possible genes for our children. Sometimes you can’t get both from one man.

When did you first become conscious of your desire to have certain aspects of your life fulfilled by different partners? Have you cheated in all of your relationships? Was there something in an early relationship that was an “awakening” for you?

I guess I am what you would call a “professional adulteress.” I have cheated in every relationship I have ever been in, including my marriage. I am an infidelity expert and I am very discreet. I have read a lot of material on infidelity. Not once has my husband shown suspicion about my affairs nor does he know that my lovers fathered the two children. I don’t know if it was an early relationship that made me the way I am. I think I am just not a monogamous person. There are way too many yummy men out there to not have a taste of them all.

Other than the fact that your husband is a good provider, are there other qualities about him that keep you with him? Do you enjoy sex with him? If so, how often?

Yes, he is one of the nicest and most emotionally available men I’ve ever known. If he were a woman he would be my best friend. He is a great husband. I would venture to say that most women would never even think about cheating on him. I do not expect him to be a stallion in bed like my lovers, but he is ok. When we have sex (these days about once a month or so), I don’t mind it.

Do you think that your husband has been faithful to you? If you found out that he had in fact had sex outside of the marriage, would you be angry or disappointed, or would you be able to accept it because men are hard wired to spread their seed far and wide?

I seriously doubt my husband has ever been unfaithful. It is not the way he is. He was a virgin until we started dating. He was 36 when I took his virginity. He has never been the player type and I can tell he embraces being married and “off-limits.”

Ever thought about broaching the subject of an open relationship with your husband?

An open relationship with my husband? No way. One of the main reasons I married him is his ability to provide me and my children with the resources we need. I don’t want to share my husband’s time and money with other women. That is out of the question.

It’s impossible to know how prevalent situations like this are as people won’t freely admit to it, but I get the impression that you think it happens a lot more than we might think. Thoughts?

Of course there are lots of other women in the same situation as myself. If you believe the paternity statistics (I do), approximately 10% of children are raised by non-biological dads. How many of those 10% besides myself admit to it? Probably not very many. Obviously I admit to it, but anonymously. We will never admit to it on-record because of the ramifications we would face.

Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?

For me, I’ve never felt any guilt about any of the affairs I’ve had. I’ve often said that I’m like a man-I can fuck men the way men fuck women, without any guilt-and get right back into bed with my husband at night without the slightest tinge of remorse.

Would you say that you are gaining something emotionally from your affairs or are you in it purely for the sex?

Sex, that’s it. My husband does a great job with meeting my emotional needs. I have never had an emotional affair because I have never needed to. The cause for all my affairs has been pure lust.

What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?

I take every precaution. I even do things I don’t have to do. But as far as the simple things, I’ve always only communicated with my lovers via email. And I would only access it at work. The phone thing never comes into the equation, which makes things so much easier. No single lovers! I’ve always looked for married or taken men, excluding one-night stands. Never change your attitude or appearance at home. When I am with my lovers, I am a sexual being. When I am at home, I am Mother. Only my best friend knows about my affairs. She is my alibi and also a good reference point to hold me in check if she notices that I’m getting too involved with my lover or I’m starting to act careless. I also make sure she knows when all my dates are happening so she doesn’t accidentally call my home while I’m out.

What’s the best and worst thing about being in an affair?

The best thing about being in an affair is the great sex. You see, the minute you get married and have a child, you become Mother. My lovers never knew me as Mother. To them, I was a sexual being. I’ve always told myself the worst thing about being in an affair is getting caught. Since this has never happened to me, I haven’t experienced the worst thing about having an affair. I hope I never do.

——————————————

So what do you all think? Is this a case of someone that is in touch with there inner evolutionary truth and she is just acting up on that? Have you ever wondered about being impregnated by your affair partner? Do you think that you might have subconsciously thought about it?

Interested in having an affair? Check out this Ashley Madison review.

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the ninth of these installments.

1) Age, sex, marital status
I am a 29 female and I am married
He is 39 and has a live in girlfriend (he has never been married)

2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
We were part of a book club where I was the only girl and it was all older men.  Most of them treated me like a sister and I loved it because I was so comfortable with the group and I felt like an intellectual equal despite the age difference.  My other man was the only one who flirted a little and it was just part of his nature, so I tried to ignore it.  Then I started to realize that I was intensely attracted to him, which I never thought would happen because I was not ‘one of those women’.  One night we went back to his place after book club and I couldn’t stand it anymore.  I snuggled up to him on the couch and stared rubbing his hands and then the back of his head…then his leg.  When I knew he was long gone I leaned over and told him that I wanted him.  He was shocked that I was interested in him (I think he underestimates his draw).  I think that the power that women have over men is part of the reason why this is such a high for me.

3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I have a devoted husband, a little too devoted.  I have always loved my space and a little mystery in our relationship, husband wanted to get himself surgically attached to my side.  That isn’t really the whole story…I really think that I married him because he was the ‘right thing to do’ (hahaha).  I want to get to a place where we can live happily ever after, but I am not sure how to get there.

4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
I don’t think that I am capable of love, but I have a very close friendship with my other man.  The sex is defiantly the draw for the affair…he shows me what I am missing at home.  I would be friends with my other man, even if we weren’t sleeping together.

5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
Marriage is going through so much right now that it is hard to tell if it has gotten better or worse because of the affair.  I do feel like I am a better friend to my husband when I can get away for a little while.

6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
We meet once a week at book club and sometimes we run into each other in other social situations.

7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
Not with my other man, but my husband did see that I was looking at Craigslist and had a heart attack.  I told him that it made me laugh and was a short lived entertainment, nothing more.  He accepted my explanation, which wasn’t a lie, and it made sense to him because I was also looking at ‘women interested in women’ and he thinks that there is no way that that could happen…

8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
We don’t talk outside of our book club meetings and we start driving home before we detour to meet up.  He owns many properties so we switch it up as to where we are going.

9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
I have four young children and I hate to think that this will affect them in any way.  I know that I am cold about my relationship right now, so this may sound callous, but I figure my husband is a big boy and if he finds out, so be it.  We will either get a divorce or we will work though it.  At this point I feel like I could go either way.

10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
Best part- a little mystery in my affair.  I love the adrenaline rush.  On a more carnal note, the sex is also out of this world.  Older men know how to treat women…or at least mine does.

I miss my other man.  I hate the fact that he has someone to go home to that he actually still has feelings for.  I also know that it will have to end and I fear the consequences that are now out of my control.  I hate to think of the friendships that would be devastated if this ended badly.

—————————

Are you interested in being interviewed anonymously? Check here for details.

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the eighth of these installments.

1) Age, sex, marital status
42, Female, Married

2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
We first met about 4 and a half years ago through my daughter, although she has no idea about the affair. Nothing happened between us until about a year and a half ago though.  He’s 24, so quite a bit younger than me and I did find him attractive the first time we met.

3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I’m not really sure. Things just happened between us one day and neither of us wanted to stop.
I’m very happy with my husband and my marriage, so it was nobody’s fault that I ended up in an affair. We simply had an attraction to each other and when the opportunity came, we acted on it.

4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
At first it was just sex and we were both fine with that, but we started getting feelings for each other beyond friendship or attraction. After about 6 months I confessed to him that I had fallen for him completely and to my surprise he said he felt the same. Now I see him as a boyfriend and to be honest, I love him.

5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
It hasn’t really had any impact on my marriage. He respects that I have a husband and family and that sometimes they take priority. While my husband has no idea, so things are fine on that end.

6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
Usually 3 times a week, depending on our plans.  I’m a housewife and he doesn’t have a job at the moment, so we tend to find time. We normally meet at his flat, although that isn’t always possible. We have met at my house a few times and occasionally go on days/nights out together around town.

7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
We once had a close call when my daughter came home early. He had to hide under my bed until I managed to get her out of the house long enough for him to sneak out.

8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
Nothing special really. We just tend to keep it to ourselves and try to avoid times when people we know are likely to see or catch us together. Also, locking doors has proven vital!

9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
No. I kind of feel like I should, but to me i don’t really see anything wrong with what I’m doing. I’m just in love with two men and enjoy being with them both.

10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
The best part for me is how much fun it can be. Knowing you’re being a bit naughty is such a thrill, but at the same time, I love that I have two wonderful men in my life. It also gives me a chance to try things in the bedroom that my husband doesn’t really approve of. The worst part is knowing that it can’t go on forever and that one day I may have to make a choice.

——————————-

Are you interested in being interviewed anonymously? Check here for details.

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the seventh of these installments.

1) Age, sex, marital status
52, female, married

2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
We started seeing each other about 16 months ago. Met him on Ashley Madison web site.  We corresponded for about two months before we actually met.  Our first meeting was at a restaurant. Then we went to a movie together.  We couldn’t keep our hands off each other at the theater.

3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I wanted what was missing in my marriage.  I tried all kinds of other things to fill that void, but nothing worked very well or for very long. I did volunteer work; joined some clubs; worked part time. I needed affection, attention, and excitement. I needed to feel wanted and cared for…cherished.

4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
The sex is wonderful! I think that is because we have an emotional attachment.  I would feel slutty if I just had ‘casual sex’. We work at keeping the lines of communication open and fulfilling each others needs.

5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
I am a happier woman.  Several people have commented on how good I look. I have a better outlook on life in general. It makes the good days great and the bad days tolerable. I do have times occasionally when I wish I could tell/see my OM and it just isn’t possible.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
We usually get together about once a week.  We’ve been able to get together for a night a few times.  We meet at a park,  restaurant, museum or once in a while at a convenience store so we can go for a drive together.

7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
I haven’t, but he has been caught.  We stopped seeing each other for a while, but were both miserable.

8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
I delete messages and phone calls off phone before going home.  Emails are deleted as soon as they are read. We contact each other by phone only during the day during the week.

9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage that?
I don’t feel guilty for cheating on my husband.  I tell myself that as long as he doesn’t know, I’m not hurting him.

10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
I now have someone who is interested in me as a woman and shows me he is.  I feel so sexy and special with him.  The worst part is the sneaking around.  Yeah, it is exciting…but it gets difficult sometimes.

———————–

Are you interested in being interviewed anonymously? Check here for details.

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the sixth of these installments.

1) Age, sex, marital status

Me – 32, Female, 1^st Marriage, 2 minor kids

OM – 50, Male, 2^nd Marriage, no kids

H – 48, Male, 2^nd Marriage, 2 adult and 2 minor kids

OMW – 63, Female, 3^rd Marriage, 2 adult kids
( Here is a full list of affair acronyms )

2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?

Sparks went flying during a 4^th of July party over 10 years ago.  We were swimming, our spouses didn’t like to swim (just one of many things we have in common), and teasing and touching began.  The next week I came over to his place for his birthday (no one else was home) and he kissed me and as the saying goes, “the rest is history”.

3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?

My husband told me 3 months into our marriage that we weren’t having sex because he didn’t desire me.  It all went downhill from there and I didn’t divorce him because of religious reasons and I thought that we could have a chance if I just lost the extra weight.  When I met the OM he had no issues with my weight and we had lots in common, including the desire for wanting children.

4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?

At first, I just wanted sex.  I thought that it would make me feel beautiful again and would satisfy his needs too, however, I fell hard and fast in love with him and still am to this day.  Anytime I think about him not being in my life, I breakdown and start crying because he means that much to me.  I have to say though that the sex is amazing too and he’s perfect for me.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?

My husband noticed me getting distant very quickly but he didn’t seem to care because, “no one would want me anyways”.  Neither my OM nor I had EVER thought that we would be in this situation because we share the same religion and we didn’t enter the marriages lightly.  Over the years, we’ve come to realize that sometimes you have to live out the deck of cards that life dealt you but enjoy the moments in time when we can be together and happy.

6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?

We used to try for once a week but then work got in the way and now we’re lucky if we see each other once a month.  We typically meet up for lunch, I go down on him and we eat and talk afterwards.  We keep saying that we need to meet up soon for more but now that his wife is retired there are less opportunities of his place being available.  I can’t remember the last time we actually had sex but I do know that I am looking forward to us being together again – he’s amazing!!
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?

To this day, neither of our spouses realizes that we’re in an affair but both have suspected or accused us of being with each other with no proof.  To me, if my husband were to find out, yes it would hurt him but I would finally be free to be with the man that I truly love, my OM.
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?

We only talk to each other M-F during working hours.  We have separate e-mail accounts so that we can “communicate” when we’re out of town or it’s the weekend.  We always go to the same place to eat lunch and never take our spouses there – it’s our place.  If I’m at his place, and we’ve been intimate, he always washes everything afterwards and hides the condoms.    Any love letters or cards or gifts are kept at work in a safe place.

9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?

Every once in a while, I get a guilty twinge when I see my husband being a good father to our kids and realize that it would really hurt him if we were not together.  However, on the most part, I am realistic enough to know that life is too short to not be happy and that’s what I’m doing with my OM.  Therefore, any guilty feelings are washed away when I realize that I can be happy with both men and that I am a good person, despite having an affair.

10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?

The worst part about being in my affair was when I got pregnant the first time and had to tell my OM that I was actually intimate with my husband.  We knew that the baby wasn’t ours but I did the next best thing I could and made him my daughter’s God Father.  The really bad part was when I got pregnant the second time and wasn’t 100% sure if the baby belonged to my husband or OM.  I wanted my son to be the OM’s child so much but once he was born there’s no doubt that he is my husbands.  Another bad part, for me at least, is knowing that if my OM has an opportunity to be with his wife sexually, that he’s going take advantage of the situation and be with her.  I want us to be exclusive with each other but our spouses still have rights and I struggle with jealousy.

Of course, the best part is knowing that there is a person in this world who really desires me (and I him) and makes me happy.  I still want the opportunity to give him children, I’m still young enough, and that hope brings a smile to my eyes.  Having known my OM, going through the trials and tribulations, and discovering the commonalities we have together, will be in my heart forever.

———————–

Are you interested in being interviewed anonymously? Check here for details.

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the fifth of these installments.

The lack of honesty is one aspect I do not enjoy. There is a nagging fear that you can not really know the motivations of your affair partner. Unrequited emotions – having to mature enough in a short space of time to appreciate that adults can be physically involved without the need for emotional commitment – I never wanted to be that kind of girl and so I guess thats about my perception of myself has been skewed, while at every meeting I relish the compliments, I have never felt more insecure about how I look. Fear – that my husband will do the same and the loss of hope and belief in monogomy, that my husband will fall in love and leave instead of attempting to maintain this ugly balance. Disappointment that I have not lived up to my picket fence lifestyle, that I cannot say I have been faithful to a husband that deserves it.

——————-

Editor note:

Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the second of these installments.

1) Age, sex, marital status

I am 48, male, and married for twenty years. She is a few years younger. We both have teenaged children.

2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?

Ten months ago, we met on a social network website, as friends of friends. Over several months, we began to chat privately, and more intimately. We discovered that we related well on multiple levels, had a similar sense of humor, and we lived only a few miles away from each other. Unfortunately, we were both married to other people. We decided to meet in person at a bar in another town, and we both found each other to be physically attractive. We decided that we wanted to do much more than just talk.

3) What were the circumstances that led you to have an affair?

This affair is something that neither of us had planned or were actively seeking. It is the first affair for each of us. We both have a stale, loveless marriage that seems more like a business partnership. Had someone asked a year ago if either of us would be involved in an affair, we would have both laughed, and replied, Never! But nothing is certain in this life.

4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?

Definitely both, and friendship too. Sexually, we behave like two teenagers, and we both never thought that could happen again.

5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?

Quite little impact, actually.  Any rare sex that occurs in my marriage is strictly mechanical, and lacks any passion or creativity. My wife never initiates it, and now I usually fantasize about my lover.

6) How often do you get to see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?

Every few weeks, we meet in my truck at a park or beach, and in my office after business hours.

7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?

We’ve both had to cut off phone conversations abruptly when a spouse came home unexpectedly, and we have changed email addresses and passwords when we thought that the account security might be compromised, but we’ve never been caught together.

8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?

We never go to each others homes, but rather meet at a predetermined location.  We never call home numbers, or text message.  Our main communication is by private free email accounts.  If we should call each others cell phone, the caller identification is blocked. We basically ignore each other on the social network now.

9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?

Initially we both felt guilty, and rather stunned that something like this could happen between us at this point in our lives.  But, as time went by, after discussing the limitations, the danger, the reality versus the fantasy, and the fact that our spouses didn’t suspect the slightest thing.  We made a choice to maintain our relationship, and we decided that we needed each other in our lives right now.

10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?

The best part is the excitement, the sheer pleasure of exploring each others bodies, a feeling of youth in knowing that you are still attractive to the opposite sex, and in our case, finding a new confidant.  Our life experiences actually mirror each other, and we understand and trust each other completely. The worst part is the fear of discovery, the secrecy, having to create and remember false events, and most of all the fact that you now found a beautiful, caring, wonderful woman, that you just can’t tell anyone about. Affairs can cause insomnia too.  Sleep can often become difficult when the mind is racing in so many directions at the same time. But, I would do it again, and I regret nothing, only that I waited so long.