How To Lie
When you think about the concept of lying to your partner, you may feel it’s something you wouldn’t be able to do effectively. If you kept a tally of every time you told your partner a ‘white lie’, you’d realise that lying isn’t as difficult as you think and that you probably do it more often than not. Many partners think they can tell by body language when a lover is lying. This is not always the case as many lies go undetected. It’s not just the people with the best memory that do a better job at lying than others. Anyone can do it. It usually just takes a conscious awareness of what people look for when someone should be telling the truth.
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Obviously, if you are trying to mislead your partner, it is best to avoid the telltale signs they will be looking for or may identify as nervousness, you trying to make excuses/stories or just straight out lying.
Your partner will probably know you well enough to be able to identify your usual habits. You should know yourself well enough to be able to avoid your partner getting suspicious. We have a few guidelines for you to pay particular attention to.
Converse as Normal
Try not to tell your partner a 20-minute story about how you and the boys went out and did this and that or got stuck at work and go into great detail, unless you’re the type of personality to do that. If you are usually short and to the point, do the same here. Changing your conversational detail lengths will be a sure sign that you’re trying to hide information. Lying isn’t necessarily about telling something that’s not true. It is also about withholding information that could incriminate you of doing something your partner wouldn’t approve.
Shorter is Better
Breathe before you walk in the door and try to come up with a one liner like “Sorry, there was a line-up at the bank” or “the traffic was bad”. Depending on whether your partner usually asks or not, don’t instigate the conversation unless it’s just something like “Hey Sweetie, sorry I’m late. Traffic was hectic”. Try not to exaggerate and talk about how there was a massive accident on the freeway or something that sounds unlikely (like “a horse float lost its ramp and there were four horses running all over the four lane freeway”) because if they’re suspicious in the first place, they may turn on the news to see the report and find nothing there. Shorter is better to reduce the risk of contradicting evidence popping up later on, or accidentally putting your foot in it.
Keep a Memory of What You’ve Said
While an awesome memory isn’t necessarily needed to be successful at lying, keeping track of what you’ve said and haven’t said is important. Try to keep associative memory at hand. When your partner asks you about what the traffic was like, associate ‘today’s traffic’ with ‘the lie’ because if they ask you later on, for instance during dinner to make conversation, you will get stuck and pause if you haven’t associated the traffic with what you don’t want her to know. You don’t have to remember every single word you said, just remember key points. Once your partner suspects you of lying, the more questions they will start asking so you need to keep it simple and have the same points accessible in your memory.
Body Language
Think back to every time you’ve told a white lie to your boss about why you were late or didn’t get a job in on time, or a friend, a family member etc. Try to pinpoint what you were doing when you were lying and what you do when you’re nervous. You may not even realise it at first. If you twitch your fingers, play with your hair, smile or giggle uncontrollably, bite your lip or play with your ring, bracelet or watch. Practice telling a lie to yourself in the mirror, take note of what your body is doing and consciously stop yourself from portraying this nervousness.
Act as Normal as Possible
If you were late home from work and you usually go up to your partner and give them a kiss hello, do this – normal body language is important. Don’t go out of your way to do it or you’ll spark the suspicion of why you’re giving more attention than normal. If you usually don’t show affection when you get home from work, don’t do it when you’re hiding something either as they will have suspicious sparks flying left, right and centre! If you’re nervous and they detect this, a simple comment like “work was really demanding today” and that should suffice.
Eye Contact
One of the most important aspects of lying is eye contact. When most people lie they follow the sides of the brain and look to the left of the person they’re talking to to think of a creative response to a question they would rather not answer truthfully. If you look to the right, in theory, you are actually supposed to be searching your memory for what happened. If you’re not good at eye contact in the first place, it’s safer to try to look to the right of the person, not down or to the left, in case the person is aware of how to detect someone trying to make up a story. If you’re comfortable with eye contact, look the person in the eyes and tell them, without smiling (may take practice or slight absentmindedness to get this to work if you’re the type of person to look nervous when you’re lying) and try to look sincere. Don’t blankly stare at the person or completely avoid eye contact as this is yet another sign of lying. You need to have a balance.
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