Editor note:
Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the tenth of these installments.
1) Age, sex, marital status
34, Female, Married
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
4 Months ago. Online
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I am still working this out. I would say I have a great marriage and can’t figure out what made me dream of having an affair but it was a strong desire to go outside my marriage. Nothing provoked me, no opportunities presented themselves by chance, I actually went after it. If I was asked what I was lacking in my marriage, I’d say nothing! I”m baffled by it actually.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
It seems we are “courting” one another by way of phoning eachother to check in throughout the day, also we share stories of our relationships and kids. It’s new of course so there are no emotional feelings yet, purely physical but logic tells me that if we continue having these enjoyable conversations, I can see it getting emotional.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
Impact is zero so far. I am hoping that along the way, maybe I will want to stop or at least maybe discover why it is I am having the affair as it is my belief that I must be lacking something. I have suspect reasons but can’t be sure.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
I have very limited time to see my affair partner. We aren’t exactly neighbours, there is about an hour drive between us and he has a very busy working schedule and is a father to 3 kids. I have a “restricted” job that doesn’t allow me much free time or flexibility and I am also a mom of two kids. He always has to be the one to come see me. Mostly it is on lunch hours, sometimes we schedule a day off or an afternoon off but evenings and weekends are a no-no.
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7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
Never been caught but I consider every time we meet a “close-call” because of where we must meet in order to give us the maximum time together. I could get caught by people I know at anytime as its a small town and I know a lot of people there. Our thrill and fire makes us careless sometimes!
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
We don’t communicate via text, we both block our caller i.d., we create email accounts that do not indicate who we are and change them regularly, we pay cash for everything we do together, we tell NOBODY about each other, not best friends, siblings, NO ONE!
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
Not yet. I am waiting for some guilt, I feel like I am a horrible person for not having any guilt at all but at the moment I am just enjoying and indulging and fullfililng a long-time need.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
The best part is feeling alive again and feeling that “spark” most definitely. The worst part is trying to separate emotions from the affair. You want to talk to this person on a regular basis, see how they are doing etc.. because after all, when you are intimate with somebody, you feel like there should be something more and for me, it’s necessary to like the person I am sleeping with for who they are as a person, not just because they are attractive physically. I think this is only natural. So the risk you run is a broken heart! Having to eventually make a grave choice… something will have to end eventually.
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Interesting. She claims her marriage is “great”, yet she’s having an affair. Something is most likely missing from her marriage to make her stray. She needs to look into that to find the cause. The risk is a broken heart all right…the betrayed spouses of the affair partners. In cases like this, they are being deceived, living a lie they don’t know about, and have no control over until this type of betrayal gets exposed.
The question I’d like to ask people in these situations is what happens when you are exposed? Is the “thrill and fire” worth the pain you cause to others? Most likely the destruction of your marriage?
I can relate to your story. I’m in a similar situation myself.