Editor note:
Each week we will be featuring someone that is actively involved in an affair. This is the ninth of these installments.
1) Age, sex, marital status
I am a 29 female and I am married
He is 39 and has a live in girlfriend (he has never been married)
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
We were part of a book club where I was the only girl and it was all older men. Most of them treated me like a sister and I loved it because I was so comfortable with the group and I felt like an intellectual equal despite the age difference. My other man was the only one who flirted a little and it was just part of his nature, so I tried to ignore it. Then I started to realize that I was intensely attracted to him, which I never thought would happen because I was not ‘one of those women’. One night we went back to his place after book club and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I snuggled up to him on the couch and stared rubbing his hands and then the back of his head…then his leg. When I knew he was long gone I leaned over and told him that I wanted him. He was shocked that I was interested in him (I think he underestimates his draw). I think that the power that women have over men is part of the reason why this is such a high for me.
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
I have a devoted husband, a little too devoted. I have always loved my space and a little mystery in our relationship, husband wanted to get himself surgically attached to my side. That isn’t really the whole story…I really think that I married him because he was the ‘right thing to do’ (hahaha). I want to get to a place where we can live happily ever after, but I am not sure how to get there.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
I don’t think that I am capable of love, but I have a very close friendship with my other man. The sex is defiantly the draw for the affair…he shows me what I am missing at home. I would be friends with my other man, even if we weren’t sleeping together.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
Marriage is going through so much right now that it is hard to tell if it has gotten better or worse because of the affair. I do feel like I am a better friend to my husband when I can get away for a little while.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
We meet once a week at book club and sometimes we run into each other in other social situations.
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
Not with my other man, but my husband did see that I was looking at Craigslist and had a heart attack. I told him that it made me laugh and was a short lived entertainment, nothing more. He accepted my explanation, which wasn’t a lie, and it made sense to him because I was also looking at ‘women interested in women’ and he thinks that there is no way that that could happen…
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
We don’t talk outside of our book club meetings and we start driving home before we detour to meet up. He owns many properties so we switch it up as to where we are going.
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
I have four young children and I hate to think that this will affect them in any way. I know that I am cold about my relationship right now, so this may sound callous, but I figure my husband is a big boy and if he finds out, so be it. We will either get a divorce or we will work though it. At this point I feel like I could go either way.
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
Best part- a little mystery in my affair. I love the adrenaline rush. On a more carnal note, the sex is also out of this world. Older men know how to treat women…or at least mine does.
I miss my other man. I hate the fact that he has someone to go home to that he actually still has feelings for. I also know that it will have to end and I fear the consequences that are now out of my control. I hate to think of the friendships that would be devastated if this ended badly.
—————————
Are you interested in being interviewed anonymously? Check here for details.
Related articles:
If you enjoyed this article, please consider sharing it!
Throughout my life I had affairs beginning with cheating on my high school boyfriend with my priest. Throughout both of my marriages, I cheated. It wasn’t until I conducted a mid life review at 50 that I realized that I cheated because I was afraid to have a committed relationship with anyone because of my past. I started writing my book, My Mother Killed Christ: But God Loves Me Anyway as a confession. However, by the end, it turned into to a triumph because I was able to forgive myself for my transgressions. Today, I am happily married and I will never cheat on anyone again. If I should ever want someone else in my life, I will just be honest about it. That takes real strength. However, having a man who loves me exactly as I am would be impossible to replace.
So seriously, women get in these relationships as a “financial” or security issue. She is stable so long as her world is not threatened. If she found her husband thought she was useless, it would rock her world. She thinks her husband is a “big boy”- she has not considered just how violent he might come upon discovering she has stolen his time and life away from him- he could be out there getting REAL emotional fulfilment, he knows something is missing but is putting up with it becuase he believes, when he finds out he was believing a lie, well- anything can happen. good luck with that one.
1) Age, sex, marital status
38,f,m
2) When did you first begin your affair? How did you meet your affair partner?
we were acquaintances for 27 years.he was the first to notice me while i was in adolescent.he was 13 and i was 10.we used to go with my cousin and his sister.then i would invite him to my parties and we would have small talks.then some year ago, we got connected again through the internet and would have small chats.3 months ago, we had a long chat and that when it all started
3) What were the circumstances that led you to having an affair?
i got some issues with my husband and decided to stay away for a while and i used to chat with a lot of people that i used to know and he was one of them.
4) Would you say that you are in an emotional affair or are you in it purely for the sex?
it was an emotional affair and sex was secondary. he began giving me the attention i have been longing for.i have been married for 11 years and it was ok for my husband that i am always away from him. i find it awkward that he is ok with the set up while i was sick and tired of being away from him.
5) What impact has having an affair had on your marriage? Has it improved it? Made it worse?
i think it has made me more distant with my husband and made me realize that i am not the person i thought i was.
6) How often do you get so see your affair partner? Where do you typically meet?
What struck me then was when he called me when his father died.he was so emotional and he wanted to share it with me.while at the funeral parlor, he brought me to the parking lot and there he kissed me tenderly. i was taken aback by the way he expressed his emotion.
7) Have you ever been caught or had a close call?
nope
8) What precautions do you take to ensure you maintain secrecy?
i dont have any yet
9) Do you ever feel guilty? If so, how do you manage those feelings?
at this point no.i just wanted to continue to share how i feel for him wherever this would take us i really dont know
10) What’s the best and worst part about being in an affair?
the best part is being able to express what i want and the worst is that i am doing it behind everyone’s back