Who Has Affairs And Why
Everyone at one stage or another has thought (even if it be unconsciously) about cheating on their partner. It’s a fundamental part of being human. However, not everyone would take the step of going through with cheating on their partner. You can’t say you haven’t had dreams or fantasies about having sex with someone else or falling for someone else whiles you’re in a relationship. Again, it’s normal. You would be surprised at the number of relationships (30-60%) that have been involved with infidelity where either the partners know about it or are still in the dark.
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Some people, when placed in the right situation, can find themselves doing what they would normally view as wrong or against their beliefs. Most people don’t plan to cheat on their partners and can often be very surprised about their emotional choices under certain circumstances. Men are thought to be more likely to cheat than women, however, when a woman’s power status changes and she gains a higher income, the chances of her cheating increase as well. This brings us to the assumption that confidence in our work lives and the feeling of greater success makes us more susceptible to having more confidence in our private lives, thus opening the doors of more relaxed feelings towards infidelity.
Cheating Factors
There are several factors in a person’s life that can increase the likelihood of them cheating on their partners. Unfortunately, you can’t just look at a person and instantly know if they’re the type of person to cheat of not. However, if you look at a person’s work habits and general environment, you can get an idea of their cheating potential. The most monogamous person, even after 20 years of faithfulness, can make a mistake if the opportunity presents itself, if he’s under the influence of a substance and his inhibitions are reduced or if he feels less affection in general from his spouse. Many people try to convince themselves that cheating isn’t wrong if they think their partner wouldn’t care (they feel the relationship is on the rocks anyway).
If a partner is spending a lot of time with someone, both one-on-one and in group situations or even someone they often chat to online, a sexual interest can arise, often triggered after they’ve become comfortable with the person and have spent more time with the person than their own spouse. These situations range from work colleagues to sports buddies, including members at a gym they’ve usually only seen when they’re working out (building up endorphins). If another person shows sexual interest, this can also increase the likelihood that a partner will consider taking a risk.
Unhappy Current Relationship
One of the most common causes, mainly for women who cheat, is loneliness within their current relationship. If they are feeling upset with their spouse including after a fight, their spouse spends a lot of time away from home on work trips or feels ignored or unsatisfied in the relationship (especially in the bedroom), the eyes have a greater chance of wondering and venturing into another person’s pants. This kind of cheating is often more emotional than sexual as the partner is trying to find the comfort their absent or absent-minded spouse can’t provide. The cliché ‘absence makes the heart grow yonder’ springs to mind and unfortunately, is one of the key reasons a partner will venture out of the home.
Alcohol and Drugs
Alcohol and drugs both reduce the inhibitions of a person and can make them do things they would not think they were capable of, including cheating, confessing their undying love for someone other than their partner or confessing past infidelities to their partner, which it in itself can greatly hurt a relationship. A lot of one night stands occur after a night of excess alcohol, where in the morning the person realizes they’d let their inhibitions slip and, while sober would never have done it, they realize they have cheated on their partner. Often it is nights like these that are kept from the partners as it was a “mistake” and would never happen again.
Sexual Interest From Another Person
If there is someone else in a spouse’s life showing sexual interest, be it at work or leisure activities or even just the guy at the bookstore that makes eye contact and shows interest in conversations and compliments them, there is an increased risk that a partner would stray. The whole idea of someone, other than a spouse, showing an interest makes anyone feel more attractive, which can increase their flirtatious moods and ultimately leading to cheating on their partner in one way or another.
Opportunity
Opportunity is an important factor in allowing someone to cheat. If you have out of town trips for work, have a work colleague who’s working on a project with you out of work hour you have reasonable situations that would give you an opportunity to cheat. Many spouses usually find themselves spending a lot more time with work colleagues than with their partner as work loads increase and working hours are generally longer than the amount of time spent at home.
The “office romance” risk is increased when people of the opposite sex are assigned to work together in team projects. They find they are spending up to eight hours a day together; having lunch together (especially if on a tight schedule) and will often meet up on the weekends if they need to “run ideas” past each other. Going back to the office to work on a project on a weekend when next to no-one else is there gives ample opportunities to cheat as it seems they “won’t get caught”. Spouses will not know about it and will assume they are just working. This is even more common when spouses don’t socialize with their partner’s social work group so even if work colleagues know about an affair, there isn’t a risk of their partner finding out as they don’t know them (or don’t know they exist).
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